My friend Angela has always been a classy woman. The girl was reading about Princess Diana's fashion when she was 12. I mean – come on. I was still wearing platform shoes, flared jeans, and rhinestone belly tanks.
“Classy” has never really been a word that I would use to describe my style.
Wait, Shaye, did you just say style? What style is that?
Exactly. Thanks for making that point, reader. There is no style. Never has been. It went from said platform tennis shoes to overly tight Wranglers to hippy tees to whatever-the-heck-Stitch-Fix-sends-me.
Then, like a spark from the fashion heavens, it dawned on me: I HATE WHAT I'M WEARING.
Not this shirt. I love this shirt. But I was also dressed up for a photo session here.
(Disclaimer: YES the world is much bigger than fashion, and YES I'm thankful to just have clothes, and YES I realize this is pretty unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Just so we're clear.)
…but still, each day, we all put clothes on – do we not? And each day, how we dress affects how we feel – does it not?
I've been feeling rather terrible in my clothes lately. Even though I'm still nursing, fried eggs have replaced my once perkier milk-makers. The hips sit wider than they once did. Even my hair has begun to grow in differently post-bearing-children.
And thanks to my whatever-they-have-on-sale-at-Target shopping regimen, I felt like a 50 year old dressing in a 13 year old's body. Exaggerating? Only slightly.
And farm work is really no excuse to be sloppy. Not that I'll be wearing my Sunday best to milk the cow, but you get my point. I still interact with people – still go into public – still am a woman by-golly.
And it's about time I started dressing like one.
Feeling Beautiful.
So, inspired by my (what shall we call her…) “Stylist” Angela I got to work on my wardrobe. But before that work could really begin, it was time to purge clothes.
And by purge clothes, I mean purging any piece that didn't make me feel joy.
I may love that sweater, but when I look at it, how do I feel? What do I think?
Too tight? Too loose? Bad fabric? Make me look six months pregnant?
This took an entire day to do. Every single item of clothing I owned was heavily scrutinized. Following some basic principles from The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up (which I've yet to read but heard enough about to implement), I got ruthless, man.
Here are some actual items I donated/got rid of:
– My middle school boyfriend's hockey sweatshirt (that, apparently, I've been clinging onto for the last 16 years)
– My little sister's Target dress, circa 2005
– A pair of jeans that I hadn't worn since nursing Georgia in 2011
– 4 black cardigans (I have no defense)
And that's only the beginning. Two entire garbage bags full. Some of the clothes were old, others were very new, but all had one thing in common: NO JOY.
After rehanging and folding the survivors, I counted. Less than 30 items remained in my entire closet. And that included shirts, sweaters, pants, pajamas, jackets, and blouses.
Can you believe that? Only 30 items out of my entire closet brought me joy?
On top of keeping only what I wore, I also willingly paired down stockpiles of clothes. So instead of 10 grubby, farm-chore teeshirts, I kept 2. Instead of 5 sweatshirts, I kept 2. Still plenty to get by with but much less to put up with.
When I got dressed the next morning and opened my closet…just like magic, HALLELUJAH! I felt JOY! I felt comfort. I felt ease. That's exactly what I was going for.
In getting rid of my clothes, I realized a few things about myself:
1. I don't like patterned shirts on myself. Almost every shirt that was solid, I kept, because I wore it. I never realized this before! Flannels are always a yes, but florals, weird strippy things, etc. just aren't my favorite.
2. I don't like loose shirts on myself. 99% of my shirts are loose because that's the style I kept buying… because that's the style that I thought I liked! Turns out, my favorite shirts that brought me joy were all form fitting shirts that pronounced my waist and were more feminine in their cut. Who would've thought.
3. Baby doll, maxi, and even some tea-dresses are a no-no for me. People, I've had 3 children in less than 4 years. Things ain't bad, but they surely ain't what they used to be. This style of dress pronounces parts of my body that don't need to be pronounced. Plus, I feel like a ten year old in them. I kept very few dresses, getting rid of many that I thought I liked for this very reason. Does this flatter my figure? Does this make me look like a woman? Great question, Shaye. The answer is no.
Now that the closet is significantly paired down, it's time to pair it with real pieces that I'll actually wear. This means neutral, universal, high-quality pieces that are built to last and are multi-purpose. I'm not interested in chasing the next fashion trend (can SOMEONE please explain these ridiculously ugly, patterned leggings to me?!?!) or dressing like a teenager. I'm interested in creating an ageless, timeless look that will carry me through my years.
I haven't restocked the closet yet, but I have set myself a few “rules”:
1. Buy it once and buy it right.
Even though I think I'm getting a screaming deal at my department store, I end up having to repurchase those articles of clothing fifteen times because they deteriorate so quickly. I love the French motto of investing in a lifetime piece that is multi-purpose and wearing the crap outta it for years.
2. Stop wearing poop shoes.
Yes, I have shoes that are covered in a variety of animal poop at all times, which from now on and forevermore will remain farm shoes. No longer shall I intermingle house, going-out, or fashion shoes with farm shoes. I bought myself a beautiful pair of high-quality flats that are my casual “fashion” shoe now and (mark my words!) will not ever be used for farm chores.
Or wait… am I supposed to stand like this? I can't remember what's “in”…
3. Stick with neutrals.
I always gravitate towards them – like my life hues. As much as I love colors, I don't love wearing them. So whites, blacks, beiges, browns, and earth tones will play a much more significant role.
4. Don't dress like a schmuck.
There may be days when it's not possible to get ready (like when the entire house has the stomach flu… or it's raining fire from heaven), but all other days I've committed myself to making myself feel good. This includes a thoughtful outfit (even if it's just basic jeans, a nice white shirt, and said “fashion” flats). It also includes doing my makeup (eyeliner included!), wearing lipstick, and using some of my favorite smelling essential oils. It means earrings. It means shaving my legs. It means taking care of myself and feeling good in my skin.
Yesterday we butchered chickens and I did in my favorite pair of casual jeans, a teeshirt that fit correctly, my favorite BOGS, and red lipstick. It was messy, but I didn't feel messy.
I'm thankful for being able to live in a land of plenty…. when getting rid of our clothes is optional because we have so many. I don't take that for granted. Take note of it.
I'm intersted to see how it plays out… Will Shaye, in fact, finally be able to dress like an adult? Will she look like a grown woman? Will she radiant confidence and poise?
We shall see me friends…
In the meantime, I'm hanging out at Angela's for inspiration and making her help me pick out big girl clothes.
And Amen.
How do you stay feeling beautiful?
More posts on motherhood and femininity:
Jess
I JUST purged my closet and drawers last week with the same commitment for the future. I’ll be praying for us both!
Keara
Love this!!! Although my closet could use some purging, I’ve been buying things more outside my comfort zone (which has previously only included jeans and target tshirts), but now I’ve been doing more high waisted skirts, dresses, flowy blouses, and heels! Gotta love taking some time to make ourselves feel beautiful!
Nicole @Little Blog on the Homestead
I’m slowly working on taking my closet from random mishmash of junk or purposeful pieces that are flattering, comfortable, and high quality. Much better to have fewer pieces that can be versatile than a LOT of stuff that’s just taking up space! So every couple months I go through and I take out a few more things I haven’t worn, host a clothing swap, and donate the rest. It’s been great to see my load of stuff go down. Plus I LOVE Stitch Fix, because I have 0 sense of fashion or idea of what fits me and my body!
Andrea Useche
I’m now inspired to clean out the ole’ closet, and for the same reasons. Thanks for the butt-kicking reminder of what is supposed to make me feel good about myself. I mean, I knew what I needed to do, but I s’pose I needed a little reminding (and maybe a slight butt-kick) to get going. So here goes- out with the blah and in with the joy!
Kim
I have just started working on this myself!
Some inspiration help–Check out the website Thrift Me Pretty–one of my friends, and a mom-preneur. She has all kinds of inspiration, guidelines on how to dress your body, figure out your “inside-out congruency” as she calls it, and keep on the path. She’s awesome.
http://www.thriftmepretty.com
Stephanie
For such a young woman, what you write is so relatable. I don’t know what I would have written when I was in my late 20s, but I’m fairly certain it would have sounded like drooling and staring cross-eyed into the distance while I raised three kids under three years old in the California desert, with no car to go anywhere.
Now that I’m a mom of teens and yougers, but no babies, I need to step up my game. I know I do. I have just found that being pregnant or nursing for 16 years has changed me into a girl who cared at least a little, to a woman who wonders what happened. So you are right to want to do it now! Make a habit, because when you’re 40 and used to dressing like a schmuck, it will be a lot harder habit to break. Plus, if your hubby is anything like mine, he wil LOVE the effort! ๐
Angie
I feel the need to purge after reading this…. thank you xxx
Rachel
As a new mom of a 3 month old (perfect!) little boy, I still go in my closet and reach for whatever I can nurse in. It is slightly depressing and this makes me want to get stuff that currently fits and to stop wishing that shirt from 9th grade will fit again…. These boobs ain’t goin back to normal and these hips ain’t never going to see the inside of a size 4 again.
Karen
I recently went through my closet too (read the book, got inspired). I could have gotten rid of all my clothes, but that’s, umm, not really possible right now. I’m glad you’re figuring out what you love and what brings you joy.
Rebekah
I loved this! I recently went through my closet because I felt overrun with clothes I never wear, but I specifically like your approach and line of questions. ๐ Looks like I need to go through it again with all this in mind… ๐
Cori
I LOVE those shoes!!! I’ve gotten rid of so many clothing items but have yet to restock! Can’t wait! My hubby wants to do the same thing!
Janelle
This was a little more relatable than I was expecting… Mercy. I’ve done smaller-scale, less-committed versions of The Purge over the last couple of years, but it’s time for a grand finale. It’s tricky when (like you mentioned) you’ve yet to define or even recognize “your style”, and so end up cluttering your closet from ill-fated choices like buying super colorful clothing because you love colors in general, but then never wearing those clothes because they’re too much ON you, etc… (Oh, I get it! Grew up on a farm with bare feet and torn clothes; fashion wasn’t a consideration and not even worth noting as a frivolity.) Thanks for this, mama. โก
Jackie @ Crest Cottage
wow. i just went through this a few months ago. i realized was NOT dressing like the adult i somehow became. it was (sort of) life changing!
Jennifer A
Yes! I went to a home school meeting today, and came away feeling so under-dressed. I want to have pieces that give me confidence, and don’t make me feel like that. I have purged, but I haven’t replenished. I’m having a hard time picking out the right pieces. (And finding the money too!)
Cheryl
Love the post and for that matter the site. Just an FYI, You said you did in a pair of jeans and a shirt butchering chickens, having done it I get that sometimes things aren’t salvageable, but if it is the blood you might have been able to get it out. Another thing Sal’s bounty is good for is removal of blood stains. Soak overnight in milk and wash as usual. Works great on a ll blood (even say when a lamb bleeds all over your Sunday best or hubby slices his hand open ‘fixing’ farm machinery;))
Karen
I like your shirt, especially the neck line – do you remember where you got it?
Stacy
I hope this comment makes your day…
Where did you get those jeans and that flannel/plaid?
๐ and yes that is a real question!
Katie
Yes! I love that shirt
Angela/Parisienne Farmgirl
Oh shame on me.
I should have figured you would write about this. Just found it. This was such a fun “project” with you. Trust me, I could do it all day. Can you imagine how much fun it would have been… IN PERSON?
I can’t wait to see what you end up buying to add to your 30 left over pieces!
Love you girl!!!!!!
Sarah
I love Marie Kondo’s book! You should read it. She’s OCD, but she’s made it work for her, and is nice enough to share her tidying secrets with the rest of the world. ๐ I’ve done my closet, and I’ve discovered that I love stripes (shirts, not pants. Striped pants would be hilarious.). I’ve also realized that when all my hangers are the same color, it makes my clothes look that much better. I also KonMari’d my kids’ clothes. I’m not gonna lie: it was a nightmare. But it’s all good now. Their room stays clean-ish because they actually have room in their drawers to put their clothes away. Huh.
I’m currently working on purging the paper. Like, going through every single piece in the house. I kinda just want to bonfire it away. Needless to say, it is way less fun than the clothes purging, but then I get to move on to household crap, so I’m excited about that.
Have you read Jennifer Scott’s 20 Stylish Lessons from Madame Chic? It’s along the same vein as what you’ve written about–I think you’d enjoy that one, too!
Here’s to pretty closets!!
Katie
I know I need to do this, I spend so much time staring at my closet full of clothes but thinking “I have nothing to wear”. I guess I’m afraid that if I do this I really won’t have anything left. Also, I keep telling myself that when I have the money to replace things that’s when I’ll get to it. That day hasn’t come yet. I think this will be my project for next weekend
Ashley
I did just this in the spring after reading The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up! Highly recommend that book!! I purged my entire house..and while some stuff has crept back in, I doesn’t take nearly as long to go back through and get rid of the stuff that doesn’t bring me joy or feels like clutter. It takes me .2 seconds to get dressed bc all of my clothes are clothes I love and feel good in!! Now…to get dressed in real clothes every day and not wear gym clothes all day…and maybe a lil mascara too ;).
Sandra
I’ve been feeling more and more like a “blob” and less like a woman lately, so I’ve been debating where to start–new hairstyle, different clothes, tweak the routine, etc.–while not spending atrocious amounts of money or taking tons of time away from preserving the produce of the season. Before I made any sort of concrete plans or decisions, I read this post. Talk about a timely blessing!
Thanks very much!
Renee
My sis and I did this recently as we were moving houses, but i need to go over my wardrobe again from a joy perspective. Also because I held on to a ton of stuff I can’t wear any longer but just wouldn’t let go of.
Rebecca
I’m working on this as well. I fell into the trap of taking care of everyone else except me. Looked at my closet and realized I was dressing like a semi-Amish woman (not that there’s anything wrong with that for some…). Unlike you, I need color to keep me from looking “dull”. However, choosing the RIGHT color(s) is my latest task. I’m also re-discovering my earrings and a little makeup. Amazing what those little things will do. I believe God created us women to appreciate beauty and color and we shouldn’t be ashamed of that, but be careful to use that appropriately.
Allison
I am planning to do this once the summer is over. After having 5 babies in 8 years I’ve basically been relying on this and that to get me by and I have a lot of clothes that just need to go! Although, I have to say after watching the movie True Cost I’ll be searching for fair trade or sustainable clothing companies. I can’t afford to just buy organic clothing or anything but that movie really opened my eyes to what it takes to make clothing. I usually buy used anyway, but sometimes new clothing just fits better and feels better!
Lynda
LOL! I have been purging in spells. The last to go were all my teachers clothes. “But I can’t get rid of those” I told myself. “They were expensive and still look so beautiful.” I said. Been saying it for almost eight years.
REALITY CHECK: Not only are they out of style, they are no longer my size, and yes, inappropriate for country life. The geese and the chickens don’t care! My uniform of the day is a nice T or tank top which changes to flannel or a cable knit in winter. I’m comfortable and if in my daily chores I happen to get them dirty, “OH Well.” I go change.
Lynda
AHEM… above should have read: “My uniform of the day is a nice T or tank top which changes to flannel or a cable knit in winter WITH JEANS.” (LOL!)
Camille Olivia
Brava, Shaye! I know how challenging that whole purge thang can be. Not because I have tons of clothes; I don’t. But having been a “professional” Organizer, I’ve seen closets that could clothe an entire village. Many women I worked with had clothes they’d purchased years earlier, with tags still hanging. Ridiculous waste. Those were the toughest to deal with because, as you might guess, their whole schtick was about shopping to feel better. It just doesn’t work.
But I digress.
I live in a teeny tiny house. I have ONE wardrobe and ONE dresser. That’s it for clothes space. So when I moved in here, from a very spacious 2 bedroom, I got rid of a ton of clothes. The closets in my old place were bigger than my entire living space now. No kidding. But I also had a major life change, so I didn’t need all those clothes. Once I pared down and relocated, I made a rule: if something new comes IN the house, something old must GO. That’s how I keep things organized. It’s a lot easier than you might think. Sounds like you’ve got it wired though. I wish you happy hunting for your new wardrobe!
Susanne
I love this and desperately need to work on the same thing. I would LOVE for you to keep us posted on the wardrobe you put together!
PreK Teacher
YES! Please let us know what you find that meets your criteria.
Magi Phoenix
I have three words right now: Get. Merino. Wool.
You will ask yourself where it has been your whole life. Life Gear. Especially for those of us that really live it and farm. We need clothing that is as substantial, resourceful, natural, and adaptable as we are. Thank me later.
Dee
My clothes shopping mantra is – If you don’t love it, don’t buy it. If you absolutely love it, buy it in a couple of colors.
Marija
Hi Shaye,
I too have cleaned up my closet about a year ago, and I love opening it up every morning, being able to see my clothes hanging nicely. Because I buy only a few pieces each season, I am so much more careful with what I spend my money. Even though, per item, my clothes cost more, the total is much less than it used to be.
I have also found that aprons are a great asset! When I’m working in the garden or around the house, I just pop an apron on, and hey presto! I don’t have to worry about random-but-inevitable droppings, poopings etc. Plus, I have made my aprons out of the loveliest prints so they look great too ๐
Marija
Emily
LOVE this! And can totally relate. I just had my third baby and am so uninspired by my closet right now… I think I am going to have to heed your advice and start purging! Thanks!!
Casey
Ugh, I am so with you! I’ve been trying to purge and rebuild for a couple of years. I keep purging but still end up with clothes I don’t like. Pregnancy means picking up stuff from Goodwill that fits. Post partum fashion is the WORST. Buuuut, it made me realize I have sin issues with vanity, so it’s worth it. Someday, though, I will feel pretty in pretty clothes again!
Lynn
This is kind of off the subject of clothing, etc., but can you share a natural way to minimize pores? The stores are full of chemicals that claim amazing results but I want to achieve nicer skin via a natural means.
Thank you!
robinakagoatmom
No matter your age, as women we tend to neglect ourselves for the needs of others. Turning 50 I found myself wore out from caring for dying family members, frumpy and overweight. Fortunately my 2 daughters saw I had lost some of myself and purged my closet, sat me through a few What not to wear episodes that matched my age/build and took me shopping. 10 years later I’m still more creative and risk taking in my clothing and hair and remember I’m important too. I swear feeling better about myself has helped made our marriage of 39 years like the early honeymoon years for our empty nest. I use the hanger trick and location to manage continuous purging. If I haven’t worn something for a bit I put it on the left of the closet and reverse the hanger. The first of the month I look at the items in the area and if its there several months in a row while opportunities to wear have come and gone, it it goes to a bag for donate or rehome. Even though we have land and animals to care for we change for dining or cocktail hour and go on dates even if its only on the back porch.
Monica
It’s so easy to be messy and unfashionable when your day is filled with dirty chores. I too have been trying to be more presentable even on the lazy, at home, dirty chore days…and it really does make me feel better.