Dear mother at the grocery store, I'm sorry for judging you when your child broke down at the register because you wouldn't let him have a candy bar. I've now been there, tears and all. Screw those dang racks of crap they line the checkout lines with.
Dear mother with the messy house, I'm sorry for judging you when I came over thinking you should have prioritized straightening your home up before company came. I now realize that toddlers are horrifically messy ALL THE TIME, as our we, and our fellowship shouldn't be based on our ability to be ‘presentable'.
Dear mother who yells at her children, I'm sorry for judging you when you lost your temper. “I'd never speak to my children that way…” Yes. Apparently I would. Because I've already asked forgiveness for doing so twice today.
Dear mother who loses her temper, passes the children off to her husband, and goes to lock herself in the bathroom to curl up in fetal position and cry out to the Lord, I'm sorry for judging your ability to manage and handle it all. Because now I realize that in and of ourselves, all of us are weak and in desperate need of the Lord's free grace and abounding mercies.
Dear everyone ever, I'm sorry for not being more compassionate about what you're experiencing. What battles you're fighting. What you're enduring, past or present.
This past week, the Lord has reached out to me in intense ways, continually reiterating to me a very simple point: BE LIKE CHRIST.
As a control freak, my reaction is always to want control people and the situation. “If only they did this, maybe the wouldn't be in those circumstances…”, “If I were them, I'd make sure I was doing this…”, “I would've handled it this way…”
None of those mirror or imitate Christ.
Christ was a bold man, and despite what many would have you believe, a man that was much more than a ‘nice guy preaching about love'. It's not all about the love. Was Christ love? Of course. Never a greater testament of love existed than Christ's love for his people and the work he accomplished for them in his death and resurrection. But Christ came to demonstrate love through truth and the realities of God. In fact, even Christ (on occasion) became angry with unrighteousness.
Being Christ like isn't about being spineless, watered-down, or peace-seeking. Didn't Christ start a revolution? Isn't he still causing waves, thousands of years later?
Being Christ like means living out the truths he proclaimed:
– We are all sinners in desperate need of salvation. ‘For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God' (Romans 3:23).
– Salvation is secured by knowing and believing that Christ was the Son of God, that he was sent here to earth by God to live sinlessly, die on a Roman cross, atone for his people's sin as the perfect sacrifice, be raised from the dead, and offer us communion with a Holy and Just God.
– God's mercy is free (entirely and completely) to us because Christ paid our debts.
It's not about seeking to be sinless, as Christ was. After all, umm, I failed at that, like, A ZILLION TIMES.
It's not about trying to be good enough, to show people through my works that I'm, like, SO HOLY.
It's about falling to my knees in desperation… clinging to Christ's righteousness as my own… clinging to God's promise of mercy and forgiveness to those who love Christ… and laying myself open, bare, to that atonement.
It's not about constantly shoving people in the direction that I think they should go, but rather, walking alongside them in love – boldly, and compassionately, proclaiming God's truths.
So I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not showing the world the compassion that I am so desperately in need of myself.
As Paul said, Jesus Christ has come to save sinners ‘of whom I am the worst' (1 Timothy 1:15).
Parenthood, marriage, and well, that little bit in the middle called ‘life', continually push me to my knees, reaching up to heaven.
I'm happy to have each of you by my side in His mercy. Messy houses, fussy children, lost tempers and all.
More of my posts on motherhood:
- While the Husband's Away…
- Screen Time and Farm Kids
- Wrinkles and Chin Hair
- Post Pregnancy Body
- One Way to Live Your Life
- Stay at Home Mom
Cori
Beautiful.
Nicole @Little Blog on the Homestead
What a timely reminder! Judging is my worst failing, my fiancé laughed that at a sermon on judging I was judging the family in front of us. It’s my daily struggle! I just always try to remember that I have no idea what’s happening in their life to create this current situation, and to choose instead to smile and be that bit of encouragement vs the frown of judgement in their day.
mindy
Thanks. I so needed to read this today.
Ashley Crowe
I so needed this right now Shaye, thank you! My lil Mr. has a serious case of terrible twos…out of no where, and I have no idea what to do. I feel so out of control. Loved this message!
Angi @ A Return To Simplicity
Gosh, I love this. I really needed to see this right now. The destruction caused by the toddler in the house is putting me in the exact same situations that I silently judged several other mamas for in the past. Seriously eating some mental crow, and feeling very convicted. Thank you for the reminder to give grace to everyone, even if it’s just something in your own head.
Ly
Thank you!
Margie
I’d love to post this at work. It is so well said. Being a mom is the toughest thing we will ever do….a little non judgement and support from those in our shoes would be awesome!
Debby
This is just beautiful. These are the exact words I needed to remind me I am not alone in this battle. God is speaking through you little lady! Thank you for sharing this.
Melissa
Giiiirrrrrlll! You nailed it and amen! I must say I was the best wife and mother before I was married with children… Thank You Jesus for forgiveness and freedom and grace and so much love!!! Thank you Shaye for your transparency and encouragement as you spur others on toward love and good deeds!
Shaye Elliott
Thank you for this, Melissa!
Randi
Thank you Shaye 🙂 I needed this today!
Allison
I remember having the revelation about Job’s “friends” who came to “comfort” him in his time of trouble. They only thing they had to offer was their own fear. I think the root of “They wouldn’t be in this mess if…” is our own fear of suffering. We try to convince ourselves that it won’t happen to us because we are “doing everything right.” But in reality, suffering happens. In so many forms, and sometimes we didn’t do anything to bring it on. I think it’s a really important topic to the Lord, Job was the first book He wrote. I think it’s important to Him that we know that suffering isn’t “punishment”, it’s opportunity for His enduring mercy to “work all things together for my good.” He love us so much.
Katie Madsen @ Two Thirds Cup
I admire your courage to post about Christ and subjects that are so dear and personal to you. Beautiful post Shaye!
Cori
Thank you for writing this. My week has already been filed with fussy kids, grumpy mama, grumpy daddy, messes and spills, and it’s only Tuesday. Praying for grace in my life and yours.
Christi
I was doing my morning reading/Bible time (with a little guy crawling in and out of a bread box and showing me his books) and I read something that made me think of this post, which I can relate to VERY well. It was a verse brought up in the book “The Gentle Ways of the Beautiful Woman” (which has been a wonderful book for me in this season):
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young
(Isa. 40:11)
…He gently leads those that have young…sounds like special attention or grace for mothers, doesn’t it? And your know that’s just what a good farmer does, gives the mamas special consideration, food, etc. Right?
Blessings!
Shaye Elliott
Gave me chills. Thank you, Christi!
Karmen
This was perfectly timed because I have been feeling the stress of marriage, motherhood and that little thing in between called life. In that stress I have noticed my own judgemental self saying, “Hey. Look at you. Right there where [insert person here] was 10 years ago when you were being all judge-y” I may need to send out some apology letters…
Kennen
Hi! So I just came across this from reading your organic Chapstick article and loved how funny you were and waned to read more! Then I read this and was so amazed! I’m only 15 and I’m a Christian and your blog is amazing. 🙂 I’m on my cell phone, but once I get on my laptop I’m finding your blog again and making a favorite on my desktop so I can read this whenever I want!
Julian Hernandez
What a great post! So glad I read this today
Meagan @ Growing Up Herbal
So true Shaye! I too struggle with all those things, and feel like a failure when I fall for the 100th time in one day. Thankfully I remember God’s grace and mercy and how I should show that to those around me (especially my children) like He shows it to me over and over and over again. It also helps to realize and accept that I’m not that mom who can do it all. If I could do it all, then I wouldn’t need anyone else, and I know God’s Word tells me that everyone in the body has a different job to do. I do need others, and it’s okay for me not to be the one doing it all. Easier said than done, I know, but knowing it is a start! Best of luck to you mama! You’re doing a great job!
H
Beautiful! Thank you! A timely reminder to me (single with no children)